FUNDAMENTAL NATURE
THE HUMAN CONDITION
DIFFERENCE vs. DISORDER
RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY
RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY & COMPASSION
SELF EMPOWERMENT
CONNECTION & COMMUNITY
HERE AND NOW
PRESENCE & MINDFULNESS
INCLUSION
BECOMING ONESELF
CONNECTING THE DOTS
FUNDAMENTAL NATURE
At New Life Circles we believe the fundamental nature of humanity is tied to our essential needs. In 1954, Maslow imagined food, water, air, and reproduction as the foundation of healthy human life. We know today from decades of research that relationship and human connection are just as critical and have significant physiological effects on the body and brain – without community, we can never feel fully happy and alive.
All humans and living things are interdependent. We need each other to live happy healthy lives. At NLC we understand for healthy growth and change, to heal, and to feel the freedom to be who we are, we must embrace supporting one another. NLC facilitators know it’s important that members get in touch with their need for relationship, and for some, it is imperative to experience feelings of connection for the first time. Conscious awareness of these emotions is critical in order for us to connect back to these feelings of connection and belonging during challenging times. It also helps us reach out and seek understanding and support from others when needed.
The most important function of NLC is to remind members and the community of their innate worthiness and value and explore ways to embrace and support the fundamental nature of the relational ground of humanity. Without this, no other support process can be effective.
“The human heart yearns for contact – above all it yearns for genuine dialogue. Without it, we are not fully formed. The paradox of the human spirit is that I am not fully myself till I am recognized in my uniqueness by another – and that other person needs my recognition in order to fully become the unique person she or he is.” –Richard Hycner
THE HUMAN CONDITION
Healthy living and human experience are about embracing the polarities of life, and finding and making meaning from what we see, think, and feel. There are happy and sad experiences and feelings in everyone’s life. Everyone suffers. Suffering is a natural part of the human condition. It is as human as happiness and joy. Without night we would not understand the wonderment of the rising and setting sun above us. Consider the idea that without sadness we would have no context for understanding happiness and joy. Struggling never feels good, but it is the dawn of happiness and contentment.
The reason we, or the people around us, act out in dysfunctional ways – hurting ourselves or others – is because we perceive we are separate and disconnected. We have lost touch with our own fundamental nature of feeling interconnection and mutuality.
The Human Condition is complex and multifaceted. The totality of human experience is infinite and brimming with polarities and the unknown. This includes suffering, and although suffering should be accepted as inevitable it is important not to normalize it. Instead, people should have access to resources and support to alleviate and reduce their hurt and pain. Healthy living is only possible if we accept the realities of our humanity and feel self-empowered to take radical responsibility for our lives and what we co-create in a world with others.
“Anything human is mentionable and anything mentionable is manageable” (Mr. Rodgers).
DIFFERENCE VS. DISORDER
Recognizing and accepting differences among individuals and groups is crucial for building a more inclusive and connected world. It is important to understand that being different does not equate to being disordered or disabled. Rather, it is simply a part of the natural spectrum of human characteristics. Everyone has unique strengths and limitations, and these differences should not be used to label, marginalize or stigmatize.
The use of labels and blame-centered terminologies such as disorder and disability can create harmful and false perceptions that differences are problems that need to be fixed and medicalized. We all have strengths and limitations, it’s important that we celebrate both and not succumb to them. It is essential to approach each individual with respect, care, and support, recognizing and celebrating their differences as a valuable part of their identity.
However, this distinction should not be used to withhold healthcare, interventions of support and well-being, or any other needed form of assistance. While the use of labels and blame-centered terminology creates harmful perceptions, separation, and marginalization, we must also provide appropriate care and support for those who might benefit.
How we speak to each other and use language is important and should be developed to recognize and celebrate human diversity without marginalizing others. Understanding that our differences aren’t disorders or liabilities promotes inclusivity, acceptance, and respect for all individuals, regardless of their strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing and accepting differences is essential for building a more inclusive and accepting world where no one is more worthy of understanding, acceptance, and compassion.
RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY
Radical responsibility requires awareness and acknowledgment. It involves taking ownership of all aspects of our lives, including our experiences and choices, both positive and negative, triumphs and traumas. It means acknowledging that we have the power to shape our lives through our decisions and actions and that we are responsible for the consequences of our choices.
This includes being aware of our past experiences, including our achievements and happy memories, as well as the pain and trauma we have encountered. By acknowledging all aspects of our lived experience, we can gain a greater understanding of ourselves and our motivations and use that understanding to make more informed choices in the future.
Radical responsibility also means accepting that we are not perfect and that we will make mistakes. We will also make intentional choices that have negative consequences for ourselves, our families, our friends, and those we dislike and act out on. Real responsibility involves taking ownership of our choices, learning from them, and using that knowledge to grow and improve as individuals and as part of a connected world where we all deserve compassion, kindness, and grace.
For many, it is difficult to engage in this process and be fully responsible for our lives and experiences. The integration of past experiences can be done in healthy or unhealthy ways. Trauma can be self-inflicted both intentionally and unintentionally, as well as happening to us from outside of our direct choices and intention. Either way, this trauma and suffering are a part of us. As we integrate these wounds and experiences, some also learn to avoid and neglect taking full responsibility for who we are, including our past choices and traumas. This can create unhealthy entrenched patterns, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. These feelings and beliefs often leave us fragmented, alienated, and separated from our relational fundamental nature internally and externally. This leads us to hide from the world and ourselves – creating entrenched patterns and ideas that keep us from confronting and fully owning our lives and experiences.
Let’s connect the idea of recognizing and celebrating differences with radical responsibility. Blame is never curative and creates shame and guilt which keep us alone and separate. This includes blaming ourselves – as opposed to taking radical responsibility. Blame and shame internally focused or externally aimed, leave us powerless to change. Truth, honesty, and radical responsibility are always healing. Just feeling the safety and self-empowerment to speak our truth, especially about our shame and traumas, to someone else is the most powerful healing action anyone can take. This undertaking empowers individuals to take ownership of their own lives and develop a deep sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance that leads to a happier, more fulfilling meaningful life.
Offering ourselves the love and compassion to take radical responsibility for our lives is an incredible gift we can give to ourselves that will unleash incredible transformative powers. Be brave and mighty forces will come to your aid.
BALANCING RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY WITH COMPASSION
The transformational process of awareness, self-discovery, and acceptance can be challenging, scary, and uncomfortable, especially when we are confronting difficult and painful emotional memories and experiences. To start on our path of real transformative growth, truth, authenticity, and responsibility MUST be balanced with great compassion and usually relational support, mutuality, and acceptance. Mutuality and acceptance happen internally as we are willing to integrate all parts of our lived experience, and externally as we accept and feel understood by others.
Awareness that reaches deep inside and challenges our patterned defense mechanisms and exposes the truth about who we are, however challenging, embarrassing, scary, and dark, is best processed with people you know and trust deeply to honor your struggle without judgment and blame. Confronting our vulnerabilities and taking radical responsibility can only occur if we are in a space, internally and with others, that feels completely safe and supported. As relational beings, we usually feel safety and more support when we are with others who also show their vulnerabilities and struggles, and model the process of responsibility, authenticity, and compassion. This modeling sets the relational ground for transformation and supports the freedom to express who we are.
The difficulty is that truth alone can be harsh and unbearable. For many, it’s looking into the abyss of our lives, choices, and experiences and accepting what seems unmanageable, unbearable, shameful, and separate from whom we think we should be, can be, or have been in the past. This is why before we dive into self-awareness and accountability, truth, and radical responsibility we need to cultivate compassion toward ourselves and our struggles. Compassion brings a loving supportive perspective to our journey, balancing the harshness of truth, and opening our minds to living a new self-empowered life that integrates all of whom we have been and will become.
This brings another polarity into focus that we must reconcile on the path to growth, connection, and transformation. Relying solely on compassion can hinder our progress, but we need its balance and support as we struggle to tell our truth and change the fragmented lonely course of our lives. We must be grounded in who we are in the present to have the firm footing to take healthy steps forward toward a new life of openness and connection – to reengage with our fundamental nature. Embracing and acknowledging the truth about ourselves and our human condition, no matter how uncomfortable or difficult it may be, is essential to achieve inner peace and freedom.
Our entrenched ideas and patterns of behavior, our present identity, become part of the defense mechanism which has kept us safe from shame and fear. It is also what keeps us disconnected and alienated from seeing and accepting ourselves and those we love. Giving up these defenses often leaves us feeling temporarily lost and unstable. This is because we have spent so much of our energy creating our defenses and safe sense of identity we lose touch with our fundamental nature of connectedness to ourselves and to the world around us. Once we reconnect and accept who we are, we can begin to feel real happiness and joy, connected to our lives internally and with those around us.
Accepting our true selves can help us build more authentic and meaningful relationships with ourselves and others, as we can relate more genuinely and openly. It can also help us let go of negative self-judgment and live more fulfilling lives. This is the freedom to be authentic and alive.
SELF EMPOWERMENT
Self-empowerment is the process of developing inner strength and the confidence to take ownership of our lives, make choices, act on them, and feel the support to be responsible for the outcome. It involves building a sense of self-worth, resilience, and a positive mindset that enables one to overcome obstacles and challenges.
The process of becoming more self-empowered can take many forms, including personal development, building more intimate social connections and social capital, education, physical fitness, and spiritual practices. It involves gaining knowledge, skills, and experience to develop a sense of competence and mastery in different areas of life.
One of the key aspects of self-empowerment is taking ownership of our lives and choices. It means recognizing that we have control over our choices and are responsible for the outcomes of our actions. This involves letting go of blame, victimhood, and excuses, and focusing on personal growth and development.
Self-empowerment can also involve setting goals and taking action toward achieving them. This requires a clear vision of what one wants to achieve, a plan of action, and the discipline to follow through. It also involves learning from failures and setbacks and adjusting one’s approach as necessary.
Ultimately, self-empowerment is about living a fulfilling and meaningful life on one’s own terms. It involves developing a strong sense of self and using that strength to create positive change in one’s life and the world around them.
How Does New Life Circles Support This Transformational Process?
COMMUNITY AS METHOD
At New Life Circles we practice what call “community as method.” In technical terms, it’s sociotherapy. One of the NLC’s core beliefs is that sharing our journey, Life Path, and Healthy Practices alongside other community members doing the same is incredibly supportive and affirming. Anytime we get together we sit in a circle so everyone can see each other and offer themselves as equal parts of the community. We call these gatherings life circles, and they are the foundation of our community process. This occurs in many settings and is facilitated by the community process and NLC peer facilitators. One of the important structures around NLC facilitating is that Facilitators never work alone. We always encourage members to find life circles, small or large, when working through any important personal, relational, or emotional process.
HERE AND NOW
The present moment is where true healing and resolution can be found. Our minds often wander to the past or future, bringing anxiety, regret, or worry. We get lost in our thoughts and feelings, disconnected from the present moment and the opportunities it holds.
By guiding people back to the present moment, we help members develop a greater sense of awareness and connection with themselves and the community. We encourage participants to trust in the present moment and in their own ability to navigate whatever challenges arise.
In the present moment, we have the opportunity to fully experience our emotions, sensations, and thoughts. We can explore them with curiosity and openness, without judgment or resistance. Through this process, we can gain insights and understanding about ourselves and our experiences, and we can learn to let go of the past and worry less about the future.
Trusting in the present moment also means trusting in the inherent wisdom and intelligence of our human nature and spirit. Our bodies and minds are designed to heal themselves, and by staying present and connected, we can tap into this natural healing process.
At New Life Circles we know guiding people back to the present moment is about empowering them to take control of their own healing journey. It is about helping them develop a greater sense of agency and self-efficacy so that they can move forward with confidence, clarity, and purpose.
BECOMING ONESELF
New Life Circles is also founded on a change theory called the “Paradoxical Theory of Change.” It is focused on each becoming oneself. This is the difference between New Life Circles and other healing practices and organizations. NLC isn’t about being drawn in by a leader or following someone else’s ideas or practices. Our central goal is to build a community that supports you in finding your true self and the freedom to express it without shame and coercion.
The paradoxical theory of change is based on the premise that individuals often get stuck in negative patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior because they are trying to live up to the expectations of others (culture, society, parents, and peers) and have learned to conform, rather than being true to themselves. This can create a sense of dissonance and tension between who individuals truly are and whom they feel they are expected to be. In addition, negative patterns of thinking and behavior are also influenced by past experiences, traumas, and choices. The paradoxical theory of change acknowledges that individuals may have experiences they want to put aside, forget, and avoid, but understands this leads to the entrenchment of these unhealthy patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
The paradoxical nature of the theory of change lies in the fact that it does not prescribe a specific outcome or goal for us to strive for. In order to achieve positive change, the paradoxical theory of change suggests that individuals need to embrace their own uniqueness and accept themselves as they are. By doing so, individuals can begin to identify and challenge negative patterns of thinking and behavior that are not aligned with their true selves.
Acceptance, as it relates to personal growth and healing, refers to the practice of accepting oneself and one’s past experiences, without judgment or self-shaming. Acceptance of the present situation refers to acknowledging and coming to terms with the present circumstance in one’s life. This doesn’t mean we approve or normalize our mistakes, choices, and traumatic experiences, and accept that we are stuck and cannot grow and support healthy change. This kind of acceptance involves acknowledging the truth, and accepting where we are in the present so we have the solid footing to move past our shame, guilt, and self-doubt, and to focus on making positive changes in our lives.
This process of self-acceptance can be challenging, as it requires individuals to confront their fears and vulnerabilities, to be willing to take risks and make mistakes along the way, and to let go of the need to conform to others’ expectations. When individuals resist their current situation, it can create additional tension and resistance, making it more difficult to effect positive change.
Instead, the paradoxical theory of change suggests that individuals need to embrace their current situation and focus on being present in the moment. By doing so, we can develop greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of our thoughts and feelings, which can help us to identify negative patterns of thinking and behavior that are preventing us from achieving positive change.
The relational support of others and the community is also a crucial component of the paradoxical theory of change. By seeking support from others, individuals can gain valuable insights and perspectives that can help them to challenge negative patterns of thinking and behavior, and to develop greater self-awareness and responsibility. A supportive community can also provide a sense of belonging and connection that can help individuals to feel more confident and empowered as they navigate the process of personal growth and change.
PRESENCE & MINDFULNESS
At NLC presence and mindfulness are two ideas and methods that members might find helpful and include as part of their Healthy Practices. Meditation is one way to initiate this practice. We try to share ways of learning and practicing these valuable activities as part of our community process and facilitation.
Presence and mindfulness are two related concepts that are often used interchangeably, but they have some subtle differences. Presence is the state of being fully engaged and focused on the present moment, while mindfulness refers to the awareness and acceptance of the present moment without judgment.
As a growth technique, presence and mindfulness can help individuals develop greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility. By cultivating a non-judgmental and curious attitude towards their thoughts, emotions, and sensations, individuals can learn to better understand and manage their internal experiences, which can lead to a greater sense of well-being and improved relationships with others.
The benefits of mindfulness and presence have been extensively studied in the fields of psychology, neuroscience, and medicine. Research has shown that mindfulness-based interventions can improve symptoms of anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and other physical health conditions. Studies have also found that mindfulness training can enhance attentional control, cognitive flexibility, and working memory.
INCLUSION
At New Life Circles inclusion isn’t simply a buzzword for equality and diversity. While these are important community values, the NLC process understands the greater the diversity of every life circle increases its transformative powers of acceptance, understanding, and compassion. It is the sauce that brews an environment in which all individuals can feel valued, respected, and supported, regardless of their differences. Although differences in race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, religion, and other aspects of identity are important landmarks, our concern for inclusion has more to do with the natural spectrum of human characteristics and differences. We value the human spectrum of happiness and sadness, extrovert and introvert, connectedness and separateness, fast and slow, tall and short, big and little, all across the spectrum of intelligence and interests. These are all the parts of humanity that we want to honor.
New Life Circle’s central mission is to promote a sense of belonging and connectedness, which can enhance individuals’ well-being and motivation. When individuals feel included and valued, they are more likely to feel comfortable being themselves, which can lead to greater self-esteem and confidence.
CONNECTING THE DOTS
It is crucial to connect the idea of recognizing and celebrating differences among individuals with the core value of Radical Responsibility. Blame is never curative, and truth, honesty, and responsibility are always healing. By understanding that everyone is different and not disordered or disabled, we can promote self-empowerment, radical responsibility, and embodied growth and healing.
Embracing differences allows individuals to take responsibility for their own unique strengths and limitations. Instead of blaming or medicalizing differences, individuals can take an active role in their own growth and healing. This approach empowers individuals to take ownership of their own lives and develop a deep sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
In summary, recognizing and celebrating differences among individuals promotes self-empowerment, radical responsibility, and embodied growth and healing. By taking responsibility for our own unique strengths and limitations, we can develop a deep sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance that leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
